Using Criticism to Learn and Grow
When you can shift the way you
understand criticism and start to deal with it better, you can use it to make
your life better. The key is to take as much good from it as you can when it’s
really valid criticism. Developing thick skin is not about blocking yourself off
from the pain that you will naturally experience, but rather it’s about opening
yourself up to the full experience. You’re doing things that make you
vulnerable to criticism, and being honest about who you are in a way that might
make people want to bring you down. But along with the hurtful criticism you
will inevitably receive, there’s also a lot of truly great things that go along
with this kind of life.
Below are a few things to
remember about criticism which can help you use it to make your life
better.
Learning and growing are a part of life
Constructive criticism really can
make you a better person, and if you can learn from it, it can be a major
asset. Most people who attain success worked on feedback from others in order
to reach the heights that they achieved in life. But they also learned to
ignore those people who were not trying to offer constructive criticism and
instead just wanted to bring them down.
If you’ve decided that the
criticism is valid and it really was meant to help you, then incorporate the
criticism into an action plan. Think about the criticism afterwards and reflect
on what exactly you can do to make sure that you do better next time. Look at
the information that is being offered by the person criticizing you, and decide
on the best way you can address it.
If someone tells you that they were
bored with the speech you gave, maybe you could try including jokes or
interesting stories the next time you give a speech. This person might be
helping you a lot to become a better speaker in future, despite their harsh
remark.
You could also specifically ask
someone who is criticizing you what their suggestions are for improvement.
Usually, if they’re willing to tell you what your mistakes are, they’ll have
some ideas about how you can improve. Often, these suggestions can be very
useful. For example, if the speech you gave was in front of high school
students, and they told you that they found it boring, maybe they’ll suggest
that you include references to celebrities or popular culture. When people give
you a way to make them feel included in your work, do your best to incorporate
those ideas into your projects. They’ll notice your efforts and you could win
their support.
You can remember in these moments
that not only are we all imperfect, but no one even really expects you to be
perfect. They just expect you to improve where you can and to strive for
excellence.
Your boss will be much less
impressed with you if you do an okay job but never improve, than if you start
off doing less than okay but show him that you’re constantly learning from your
mistakes. Adopt the attitude of being a lifelong learner. Take as much as you
can from other people, and use it to make yourself better.
Take responsibility for your mistakes
Don’t try and hide the fact that
you might have made a mistake or pretend like it didn’t happen. Taking
responsibility for making a mistake will count in your favor in the long run.
It will show people that you have integrity and that you can be honest even
when you might be slightly embarrassed. It will also demonstrate that you’re
confident in yourself and in what you are trying to achieve. So confident, in
fact, that you can take the criticism as useful feedback, rather than being
distraught about it.
When people honestly admit that
they’ve made a mistake, it immediately creates more trust in others. People see
you as genuine and straightforward. They know that you can stand up for
yourself and that you probably won’t make the same mistake again since you’ve
shown that you are learning from it.
This level of honesty also makes
you relatable to other people. They’ll see you as human; you make mistakes,
just like everyone else, and you’re humble enough to admit to these mistakes.
People could grow to trust you better because of this and might want to support
you more in the future.
You shouldn’t be ashamed of making
mistakes – all of us make them. But very few of us are brave enough to admit to
them and publicly resolve to learn from them.
Solicit criticism from others
Once you’ve learned to deal with
criticism well, you will see how useful it really can be to you. You’ll start
to really value respectful, honest criticism, and you’ll be able to incorporate
it into your work.
When you reach this point, you
could even try to ask for criticism from people you trust so that you can
correct any problems before launching a project. You should be asking for
criticism from people who really want to see you succeed. The feedback they
give you will be invaluable.
You could even try approaching
experts in whichever field you’d like to improve in. You’d be surprised how
often people are willing to help others, even if they’re already very busy. The
worst that can happen is that they’ll say, “no,” in which case you try another
strategy.
Soliciting feedback could be as
simple as asking your friend who is very fashionable what he thinks of your new
outfit or what he would suggest you wear to a certain party. It could include
asking your friend who is good at swimming to give her feedback on your
technique so that you can be a better swimmer.
Those people who really want to be
better, in every way, will be constantly relying on others to help them get
there. Even when the feedback hurts sometimes, these people realize that they
don’t know it all, and that they need other people to make them better.
Remember that the feedback you give to others hurts them too
This is something I had to realize
as an English lecturer. I would do my best to be informative and clear with
students when I gave them feedback, and then they would suddenly drop my
course. I had to adjust my technique.
People want to feel supported and
feel positive about an experience more than they want to hear what they did
wrong. If you can do both things at the same time, you’ll deliver effective
feedback and not scare people away.
Work on being just as respectful
and direct with other people as you’d like them to be with you. Just like you
have your flaws in certain spheres, you’re also much better than most people in
some things. When people ask you for your feedback, try and give it in a way
that really helps them and doesn’t make them feel bad about themselves.